You’ll lack fame if you have a crap name in the rap game
Oh, hello. Been a while, hasn’t it? I was bored so I decided that I would entertain myself by creating a list of stupidest and/or funniest rap names in the world, and then sharing them with you, the five equally bored people who read this blog.
I could have written a lengthy introductory preamble discussing the many pitfalls inherent in assuming a pseudonymous persona for the purposes of rapping, but I thought it would be much easier to simply post up some pictures and then point and laugh at them. Besides, I think that the dos and don’ts of this particular artform are apparent to most people on a purely commonsense level. DO give yourself a name like Ghostface Killah. DON’T give yourself a name like Messy Marv. Simple.
I’m going to do this in the form of a hugely exciting countdown from 5-1…
5:
Nice that he saw fit to inform us that he is in fact a rapper before telling us his name, isn’t it? Just in case we had mistook him for a classical harpist or a longshoreman, I mean.
I’ve no idea why the woman is about to lick the apple either.
4:
Or, “how not to present yourself as thoroughly heterosexual man’s man from the ‘hood.” These fellows look like they’re all set for an evening of cruising, wouldn’t you say? Not a woman in sight. Spelling “boyz” with a “z” really butches it up too.
3:
Tellingly, I couldn’t find an actual CD cover for this young man but I can tell you that he revels in the unforgettable name of Lil’ Browneye. I am not making this up. A quick google search suggests that he has now changed his name to Lil’ B, but he’ll always be Browneye to me. Lil’ Browneye – massive arsehole.
2:
Words fail me.
Here’s a tip for all aspiring rappers out there. Before you make a final decision about the name that you are going to assume for the rest of your musical career, take five minutes to peruse urbandictionary.com and make sure that it is not a slang term for a paedophile in another English-speaking country.
1:
This could be both the best and the worst rap name ever. I mean, it is clearly a pretty ridiculous name to saddle yourself with even by the standards of hip hop, but unlike the others it is not without self-awareness. If you are small and possess all the properties of a skidmark, why not just run with it?
So to speak.
Honourable mentions to:
Peedi Crakk.
See “The Nonce”.
And…
Yak Ballz.
Good rapper. Terrible name.
